I used to believe that I could complete everything by myself. That if I wanted to do something well, I had to do it myself. This caused me to close others off. During school projects, I would try to minimize conversation and complete them without anyone else's help. During practice, I would warm up by myself, finding it difficult and awkward to join a group's rondos or keep-it-ups. Even in online video games, I found it fun playing solo rather than having to deal with a team. I thought that it was too much of a hassle to work with others, to talk to others, and to understand others. I found solace in silence, and I found peace in being with myself.
I thought that interacting with others, allowing people to handle things, was just a waste of my time, and I could complete it quicker by myself. I thought that everything could be accomplished with just "I", never truly understanding how dangerous this was until I was at my lowest moments. Those moments where I wasn't doing the best, and I wasn't accomplishing the things that I set for myself as a standard. When I was truly at rock bottom, I felt the pain and the loneliness of being by myself. When others had a shoulder to lean on, people to tell them that everything was okay, and that they were going to get out of the situation they were in, I only had myself to lean on. When I had no more energy to love myself with, to console myself, and to tell myself that all was okay, there wasn't anybody who could lend me some energy and some love to love myself with.
When I transferred to a new school, I thought this was the perfect opportunity for me to focus on studying, to achieve something great by being alone and closing myself off from interactions. I thought that by not being known, I wouldn't be able to get distracted. However, when the school bell rang and lunchtime started, I found that I had nowhere to go. Nobody to discuss my accomplishments, my goals, and my day-to-day experiences with. I walked around aimlessly, trying to seem like I was going somewhere, but in reality, I was walking endless loops. The classmates who had been nice to me in class had their own group of friends that they had known for years on end, that they understood, that they could share inside jokes with. In that moment, I truly understood how lonely it was to be by myself.
I realized that being alone is only simple when you have friends that you can count on when you don't want to be alone anymore. Only when you are truly by yourself do you feel the chill of the quiet. I remember one day at lunchtime, I was doing my homework, eating my lunch quietly, and listening to a nearby table talking about small inconveniences in their lives: the homework that was due tonight, the test coming up, their bad performance at a game. Useless conversations, with no true meaning, suddenly felt different to me. They were filled with warmth.
The meaningless conversations with your friends were not truly of no value. Those conversations, discussing even the smallest of your problems, are important because they remind you that you are not alone. When you are in a bad situation, you have somebody that you can call, who would understand you and help you without a second's notice. They are one of the most valuable things that you can have in your life: friends. No matter how successful you become, how much of a waste of time you believe it is to sit and talk about the latest episode of a show you like to watch, these small interactions build and remind you that you can have a break.
You aren't just a machine that continues to work and work until you get that promotion, that college acceptance, or that job interview. Once you achieve those things, who will you share those accomplishments with? The time you spend with others helps to remind yourself that you are human, that you find joy in being around others, and that you feel like the anxieties and worries you had previously harbored alone can be shouldered by others. Being alone is peaceful at times, but loneliness is not. Loneliness is a shallow hole that slowly drains the life out of you until your accomplishments are of no value because you have nobody to share them with.
I still enjoy being alone sometimes in my life, but now, when I eat around my friends, discuss the latest episode of the show I watched, and complain about the endless amounts of homework it seems our teachers are handing us, I don't think about this time that could be spent finishing my homework or studying for a test. The conversations, the laughter, and the empathic understanding are all things that have shaped and helped me to grow stronger and achieve greater. Humans were never meant to bear everything by themselves. Sometimes, the most important thing in your life is simply the comfort of knowing that someone is there beside you, willing to listen to you when the quiet is heavy.
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Resources & Support
If this story resonated with you, these resources may help support individuals struggling with loneliness, isolation, emotional burnout, social anxiety, and mental health challenges.
Broad Shoulders Initiative is not a crisis service, medical provider, or therapy provider. If support feels urgent, please contact emergency services, a trusted adult, a school counselor, or a licensed professional.