"Are you at your mom's?" This is a question I have had to answer countless times, each time sparking a little embarrassment that feels unavoidable and awkward. My friends and peers often question why it takes so long for me to commute to events, school, and group projects. The truth is that after my parents separated, it has been difficult navigating between two households that both love me just as much, especially since my mother lives in the UTC area while my father lives near Poway. Driving has been a blessing in this difficult situation; however, commuting between school, work, and home has always been hard. Although packing my things every week and living in a different house helps keep my life less mundane and offers variety, I sacrifice so much and often feel drained. The time lost, the difference in household environments, and the inconvenience of having so many of my activities a 25-minute drive away have been difficult obstacles that have always been a thorn in my side.
My parents separated very early in my childhood. I still remember the day the argument finally put a nail in the coffin of my parents' relationship. I had been watching The Amazing Spider-Man movie with Andrew Garfield. I feel many people with family situations similar to mine could empathize with the feeling of "why me?" In preschool and elementary school, I would see my peers embrace both of their parents side by side. Celebrations and congratulations always felt like one parent or the other was missing. As I grew up, I felt my life was always split between households, between two lives, much like Spider-Man having to juggle being a normal high school student while maintaining his secret identity as a crime-fighting vigilante. I remember feeling shy and embarrassed when others asked why my parents were never seen together.
However, after years of relentless endurance, I have learned to find solace in this stormy situation and have learned to better adjust my schedule and time management to make up for the time lost while commuting. I have learned to embrace a situation that, before, I saw as unbearable to bring up when my groupmates asked if I could come to their house to finish a project. I have learned that many others are in similar or far more precarious situations than I am, and to appreciate that, although it can be annoying to move between households, I still have two parents who love me dearly and welcome me.
Much like Spider-Man trying to balance his two identities, I have spent my life shifting between two worlds. However, unlike before, I no longer feel the tinge of embarrassment, the reddening of my cheeks, or the silent gaze downward when I am asked about it. It is not something embarrassing, broken, or sad. It is simply part of my life and my story. These constant hindrances, I once believed, were meaningless. However, the constant transitions, long drives, and adjustments that had to be made have taught me resilience, independence, and appreciation, and have shaped who I am today. I hope this story can help comfort individuals who might feel alone in their situation, making them feel a little less alone and reassured that there is a community out there that has struggled through the same things as them. I hope my story can help motivate you, bringing hope to your situation and showing that you can grow stronger from the hardships you face and use these experiences to help empower others.
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Resources & Support
If you related to this story or are navigating family separation, stress, or feelings of isolation, these organizations provide support and resources for children, teens, and families.
Broad Shoulders Initiative is not a crisis service, medical provider, or therapy provider. If support feels urgent, please contact emergency services, a trusted adult, a school counselor, or a licensed professional.